


i see forgiveness, i see the truth

by ontilmorning



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 03:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3342857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ontilmorning/pseuds/ontilmorning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's going to take time, but they have all the time in the world</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Can I sit here?” Octavia’s voice is hesitant, and if Clarke were still someone who laughed she would, because if anyone should be hesitant around here it’s her. _Murderer. Monster. Cold-hearted._ The words have been following her around camp for months now, and she’s almost gotten used to them. Almost. But she doesn’t think Octavia is here to use them, not the way she’s holding herself carefully, looking at Clarke with wary eyes like she’s worried about the response she’ll get, so Clarke doesn’t say anything, just kind of shrugs. Octavia must understand, because she sits down by Clarke’s side. They sit there like that for a while, staring at the fire, and Clarke can feel Bellamy’s burning glare from across the way.

“He doesn’t like that you’re talking to me,” she says, and Octavia scoffs.

“Technically, we weren’t talking. And when have I cared if he likes what I’m doing?” 

Clarke nods a little, because that’s true, but she still says, “He’s right, though.” Out of the corner of her eye she sees Octavia grimace slightly. But it’s true. She and Bellamy had fought like hell those first few weeks after, about the missile, about Octavia, about a lot of things, but lately he’s just cold and silent and so _angry_ all the time and so Clarke has kind of given up. She’s not going to chase after him if it isn’t what he wants, even if she does want it.

“He’s not.” Octavia is shaking her head, eyebrows furrowed, but suddenly she turns to Clarke and her face is serious. “Look, Clarke. I don’t hate you. I did for a while, after, but I don’t anymore.” Clarke wants to protest, tries to at first, but Octavia shakes her off. “You left me to die Clarke, and it hurt. It still does, but I don’t hate you for it anymore. You made a choice, a hard one, and now you have to live with it, and the guilt is eating at you, Clarke, everyone can see it. Trust me; you aren’t that good of an actress.”

Clarke wants to laugh again, but she doesn’t because Octavia is still looking at her intently like she’s expecting an answer. “Does it matter, Octavia? I’ve done what I’ve done, and like you said, I have to live with it. It’s my burden to bear, and no one else’s place to forgive me.”

“Who says I’m forgiving you?” Clarke looks down at her hands at Octavia’s words, because really – of all the things she could have said, of all the presumptuous – “That’s going to take time, Clarke, for everyone. But we’ve got all the time in the world now, so I wouldn’t worry too much.” Clarke almost cracks a smile at that, because time is a luxury they’ve never had, but now they do.

“I’m sorry, Octavia,” she says after a while, because she’s never really said it aloud and because Octavia needs to hear it. “It doesn’t mean anything, I know, but I’m so sorry.”

Octavia nods a little, staring into the fire.

“I know. And I don’t know if I’ve forgiven you yet, Clarke, but I’m not really mad at you for it anymore. And maybe- maybe we can be friends again.” Clarke almost beams at that, because that’s forgiveness enough from Octavia at this point, and she’ll take anything, even if she still isn’t sure she deserves it. 

_It’s going to take time_ , Octavia had said, but they do, after all, have all the time in the world, Clarke thinks as she sneaks a glance at Bellamy, and that has to be a good thing. She can wait.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So mariamcardoso requested a continuation of this and it turns out I am easily persuaded :)

“You saved her life.” Clarke wonders if maybe someone slipped more pain meds into her breakfast and she’s hallucinating because _Bellamy Blake_ of all people is standing in front of her with that look on his face that says ‘you’re an idiot’ and ‘you could have died’ and ‘I’m just glad you’re okay’ all at once. “Thank you,” he says, and it sounds like he’s practically choking on the words but he says them and Clarke’s heart lightens a little bit, but not too much because those broken ribs still hurt like hell, her head is pounding, and her leg is all sorts of messed up.

“She would’ve done the same for me,” and Clarke _really_ hopes that’s true. She and Octavia have come a long way since that night by the fire, but she’s still never sure where they stand. But Bellamy’s nodding and looking slightly stricken which she takes as a yes. “I’m sorry,” she says, because it’s true and suddenly she just really needs to say it. “For, well. For everything.”

Bellamy just sighs, and kind of collapses into the chair next to her. His hands ghost over the sheet on the edge of the bed but steer well clear her fingers, tangled up in the blanket. “I know. I think I’ve known for a while.” Clarke isn’t really sure what to say to that so she doesn’t say anything. After a moment he continues, “I’m sorry, too,” and _whoa_ Clarke wasn’t expecting that.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she says hastily and hopefully more forcefully than it sounds to her own ears. Bellamy just shakes his head.

“I do, though. I was so angry at first, but that’s no excuse. I wasn’t there when you needed me, Clarke, and I should have been, no matter how I felt. I could see that you were hurting and lost and I just ignored it because I wanted to hate you for leaving her to die. But I- I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hate you.” He pauses and looks down at his hands, and Clarke doesn’t say anything because what is she supposed to say to that? Trust Bellamy to be apologizing for hating her when she deserved it. “And it hurts, it’ll always hurt, probably, but you saved her life today. And I know we’ve got more time on this planet than we know what to do with now, but still I’ve wasted almost a year of it being mad at you way longer than I should have, so I’m sorry.”

“Bellamy, I –“ she can’t believe this. Really, you save someone’s life and suddenly their brother is falling all over himself trying to apologize for things that are perfectly normal. _Earth_ , honestly. “Stop. You have every right to hate me, and maybe you should. I don’t deserve anything less. But at least stop _apologizing_.” He kind of chuckles at that and Clarke can’t help the smile that flits across her face.

“Okay. But only if you stop avoiding me like the plague.” He shoots her a little smile that looks more than a little like smirk, so she smiles back, because it’s funny. He’s funny, and that’s not exactly news but she never thought she’d see that side of him again. “And, ah, I’m not really mad at you anymore.” 

“Yeah?” She tries to keep her tone light and disinterested, but probably fails miserably because she suddenly feels like her breath is caught in her throat. As much as she’s told herself that she doesn’t deserve forgiveness (because she _doesn’t_ ), she can’t hide the part of her that desperately wants it, and most of all from him.

“Yeah,” he says quietly and his fingers bump against hers. And then there’s some shouting outside and it’s probably just the kids again but she’s out of commission and Bellamy’s their leader too. He goes to leave, but rolls his eyes a little as he does and gives her a little grin (it is _so_ the kids just being idiots again), so Clarke knows they’re good, or at least as good as they’re going to be on this crazy planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has even less chance of happening than part 1, but whatever, I just need them to be okay because I am Bellarke trash and absolutely an optimist when it comes to those two. Plus I also kind of need Clarke to be in the business of saving Octavia's life all the time now to make up for what she's done.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah this is so not going to happen in canon but whatever I need everyone to be okay even though I AM NOT OKAY THAT EPISODE I CAN'T MY FEELS but yeah. Plus I want Octavia to be the first one to forgive her.


End file.
